The Generative Narrative

First of all what is a Generative Narrative?  And, as my father used to say, “What’s it got to do with the price of beans?”
Narratives are the stories we tell ourselves and others about who we are and the way the world works.  Our bodies reflect our stories, our past and the way we interpret our past, and the way we organize ourselves to meet the challenges or opportunities before us.

We all have these narratives.  The beliefs woven into them show up in the patterns of our behavior.  In other words, the stories we tell ourselves and the world about who we are becomes who we are.  If you complain about being broke and alone long enough, you can pretty much be assured that that is exactly what you will continue to produce, create or generate. 

Another way our narratives show up is in our patterns of relationships and choices, which are driven by what we believe.  Some of these beliefs are very old.  Like outdated software they continue running programs long after they are useful.  For example, the belief that “The way to be loved is to stay small” or “I can’t win” reflect early childhood beliefs that don’t serve us anymore, if, in fact, they ever did.  A generative story moves us out of outdated, erroneous beliefs.  Based on the same background, they interpret data differently, or provide a wider horizon of possibility.  A generative narrative based on the same self-defeating background might be something like this: “I now have and am developing new skills and new moves -- I can make it in the world.  I move into this new territory with courage and passion, with know-how; I can feel my feet on the ground and allies at my back.”

Simply understanding your past does not necessarily move you beyond the old narratives.  “I was mugged a lot as a kid.  I felt small and grew up scared.  That’s why I’m scared today, and feel so uncertain as I walk around the world.”  While these facts may be accurate, the interpretation story it isn’t helpful or generative.  Take the same facts, though, and say instead, “I survived and now I thrive.”  This is a very different take on the same information. 

Generative narrative defined

A narrative becomes generative when the meaning of the story shifts to something that is empowering, gives us a sense of personal power, and of possibility.  A generative narrative is one that helps to propel us courageously into new territory; a generative story is one in which we can see ourselves and recognize how we can bring our best self forward.  It is one that frames our failures and defeats as lessons learned, and helps us to shape our future wisely.  A generative narrative reflects our personal values, and helps connect us to our own particular guiding star.

My friend and colleague Henrik was recently struck by a bizarre and potentially quality-of-life impairing virus.  Statistically, two-thirds of the people who get this virus never walk again.  Henrik won’t allow himself to become a statistic.  Six weeks ago he was paralyzed from the waist down.  Couldn’t go to the bathroom, couldn’t wiggle his toes.  Yesterday he was using a walker, unassisted.

Instead of defining his situation as injury rehabilitation, my friend Henrik says “I’m going through a transformation.”  And in Henrik’s circumstance, that is no minor distinction.  Let me elaborate.

One day about a month ago, Henrik, who is 35 years old old, in great shape, a tennis player and coach, a peak performance trainer, started to feel less than his best.  He felt sluggish.  He ended up in the hospital and within hours he could no longer move his legs or even wiggle his toes.  After a couple of days of tests, and lots of steroids to reduce the inflammation, doctors had determined that Henrik had a rare disorder called Transversemyelitis.  Like MS, it attacks the nerve sheath on the spine.  When the doctors explained the statistical probability that he would never walk again, Henrik went to work.  He visualized himself moving his toes and legs and performing simple movements; he visualized himself walking and running.  Within two weeks he was in rehab, out of the hospital and getting in and out of a wheel chair on his own power.  When I asked him how his recovery was coming he corrected me.  “I don’t view this as a recovery process,” he said.  “I’m transforming.  I’m learning more about how my body works. I’m making new discoveries everyday. I can’t wait to see the next thing I learn to do and am able to do.”
Not once did Henrik talk about feeling scared or sorry for himself.  Not once did he falter in his language about his transformation.  He said, “I feel like I’ve been preparing myself for something like this all my life.”  Today, six weeks from the day he could not wiggle his legs, to the surprise of his therapists, Henrik walked unassisted.

The narrative that Henrik has created, the story he tells himself and others about this virus that struck him down, is a perfect example of a Generative Narrative.  It doesn’t deny the facts that exist, but it forms them into a vision that leads to success.

Here’s another example:  A writer client of mine was complaining about the process of getting writing gigs: the meetings and all the talk.  “Why can’t I just write?” she asked.  As we talked, she admitted that some of the feedback she’d gotten from her agents wasn’t very flattering.  They had reported that the producers and studio executives she had met thought she was hostile or uninterested.

I sensed from her attitude and words that she had created a narrative about the way things should be in her business; but this narrative didn’t reflect the reality of the situation.  And, as she was learning, whenever we resist seeing things the way they actually are, we get into trouble.  Rocks are hard.  Water is wet.  Period.   Meeting with and talking to people who may want to hire her is part of a writer’s business.  No way around it.

So instead of struggling with reality, what narrative could she create that would work for her?  I suggested she remember that these meetings are all part of the sales process.  That she should simply put on her salesman’s hat and do what salespeople do.  They look after the customer, make sure the client is at ease, that there is rapport, and they let the customer know just how good the product is they’re selling.
Something clicked for her in the simplicity of taking on the role of salesman.  What she had to do in these meetings became clear, and understandable, and she smiled broadly.   “I can do that.”  She said.  Of course she can.

Another example is an amazing dancer, a teacher I know.  She had identified an archetype that she had taken on and she saw that it was undermining her ability to access her full power.  She identified this character as “The Charwoman.”  Her body shaped itself to this “less-than” creature, one who didn’t dare take up too much space in the world nor declare her own needs, desires and power.

I suggested, “Ask yourself : How does the new, emerging, authentic self that you are move? How does this new woman free herself of that old charwoman identity?  How does she comport herself?

“If you were dancing a ballet, and the charwoman was transformed in to the elegant, funny and powerful you, with all that you know, all your performance experience, life experience, teaching expertise woven into the fabric of your being, sensed through your back...what would that dance look like?

I believe these questions, if applied with intention, help create a transforming sense of self, uncover new qualities of action, and help to build a new life narrative.

In praise of the power of gratitude

I am grateful for every gift I have already received, for all the gifts I am currently receiving, and for all gifts that will be given.
I am grateful for all for all of the lessons, pleasures, friendships, gifts of service, and opportunities to serve.  I am grateful for the spark that lights the way for me to see new possibilities, prosperity, vibrant health, happiness, wealth, wisdom and peace.

For the wonder and gift of life, I am grateful.
If you celebrate the sunshine and the rain, and can enjoy the gift of this breath, then celebrating life becomes a habit: the happiness habit.